Miriam Defensor Santiago 'Pork Barrel' Jokes

Sen. Miriam Defensor Santiago did it again!

Miriam Defensor Santiago Jokes 2013

During her keynote speech the 4th National Young Hoteliers and Restauranteurs Power Conference held at the SMX Convention Center in Pasay City on September 9, 2013, the feisty senator criticized the pork barrel scam anew using punch lines. Check out Sen. Miriam Defensor Santiago's new "pork barrel" jokes below:

1.    Anong tawag kapag nagtapon ka ng basura sa dagat? Sagot: Pollution.
Ano naman ang tawag kapag tinapon mo sa dagat ang mga politikong kurakot? Sagot: Solution.

2.    Kapag nagsinungaling ka sa congressman o sa senador, kakasuhan ka na ng perjury, may jail term ka pa. Pero kapag ang congressman o senador nagsinungaling sa 'yo, ginagawa lang nila ang trabaho nila, magkakaroon pa sila ng bagong term.

3.    How to tell if a politician is telling the truth:
Whenever he is crossing his arms like this (doing the gesture), he might be telling the truth.
Whenever he is stroking his chin like this (doing the gesture), he might be telling the truth.
Whenever he looks at you straight in the eyes, he might be telling the truth.
BUT, when he opens his mouth, he is lying.

4.    There was a study in the connection between government employees and the sports they play. Ang paboritong sport daw ng mga entry level na government employees ay basketball. Entry level, meaning to say, they start at the bottom.
Kapag lower management position na, paborito daw nila ay bowling.
Kapag upper management naman, paborito daw nila ay tennis.
Ang paborito daw na sport ng mga high-level government officials is golf.
The study then made this conclusion: Kapag tumataas ang posisyon mo sa gobyerno, lumiliit ang balls mo.

5.    May tatlong doktor, pinag-usapan kung anong pasyente ang pinakamadaling operation, operahan.
Sabi nung una, electricians. Everything inside them is color-coded.
Sabi ng pangalawang doktor, librarians. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order.
Sabi ng pangatlo, politiko ang pinakamadali. They have no brains. They have no guts. they have no hearts. and they have no balls.

6.    Top three na pinakasinungaling na trabaho sa Pilipinas
I will start with number 3 then 2 then 1.
Number 3: Beauticians. Sasabihin nilang maganda ang customer kahit hindi naman talaga.
Number 2: Konduktor ng jeep. Sasabihin niya na dalawa pa ang kasya kahit puno na.
And last and the most prolific of all these liars.
Number 1: Politiko. That's the end of the story.